Gig Etiquette: Pro Tips for Musicians… Jerks and How Not to Be One
Don't be a Jerk
Jerks come in all flavors, from the funny guy who yells “Freebird” during every break between songs all the way up to the drunks who jump up on stage, start fights or trash your gear. They are a part of performing and one that you’ll need to have strategies to deal with. For “Freebird” guy, learn part of “Freebird” or even the whole thing. Radiohead doesn’t play “Creep” live very often, but when they do, it’s usually at the start of the show, and it shuts up everyone that was going to yell for it all night long.
Learn some gentle comments and comebacks. Use your sense of humor and get the crowd on your side if something happens during a set– “Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer…” is a great line when some yahoo is mouthing off. Go to YouTube and search for “heckler” and you’ll find hundreds of videos of comedians putting hecklers down with a variety of techniques ranging from the gentle and subtle all the way to angry shouting matches and physical confrontation.
One on one, be nice but firm. Some people are never happy and some people are always looking for attention. Sometimes a jerk will be go back and forth between a complete asshole to being your best buddy. Other times they’ll be jerks one night and not even remember it happening the next time you see them. If you can’t work it out with your jerk, you might just have to walk away or excuse yourself.
Back up your bandmates– if you see them getting cornered by somebody and they’re having trouble handling it, walk over and tell them you need to discuss the next set, or that their keyboard sounded funky during the last song, or that their mom just called. Anything to give them an excuse to get away.
And if things actually get physical, watch out for each other. If all else fails, you’ve got lots of heavy shit within easy reach– don’t be afraid to use it if you absolutely have to.
Don’t Become a Jerk- Be Straight
I’m not talking about sexual preference here– I’m talking about using chemicals. You DON’T sound better when you’re drunk. You AREN’T funnier or better looking when you’re stoned. Take your performance seriously. Most people don’t show up drunk for work and most people don’t go to work and get drunk while they’re doing their job.
When you’re messed up you don’t have the same judgment and fewer inhibitions. Wanna know what’s not funny? A drunk guy telling a joke that he just KNOWS is funny. Having good judgment is key to playing a place more than once, earning new gigs, and making sure the audience is on your side. Keeping your self in check can be the difference between being the “cute guy from the band” and being the drunk loser who hits on every girl at the show.
Don’t become the jerk that your band mates have to prepare themselves for. And if someone comes to you to talk to you about your recreational activities during a show, listen to them and take it seriously. No one with a chemical problem initially believes they have a problem.
What you do after the show is on your time. Don’t use the time provided you by the audience and your band mates to chase your personal demons. Save that shit for the VH1 special.
Help Tear Down and Load Out
The show is done, the crowds have filed out, and everyone is tired. You’re coming down from the rush, you’ve been playing for four hours or more, you’ve done a sound check, and set up all this gear, and you’ve driven halfway across town or across the state. You’ve been at this all day already.
Tearing down is often akin to running into a wall– everything is going great and then WHAM! Now’s the time to work together and get things done quickly. Many hands make light work. Tearing something down is always easier than setting it up anyways, so suck it up and get it done.
Some bands don’t even split the money until everything is loaded up and ready to go. It’s hard to ask for money when you’ve sat on your ass watching everyone else schlep gear out to the truck for the last half hour.
Wrap it Up Already!
This is the last post in this series (finally!), and here are a few parting words: Work with your band mates, remember that you’re there to do a job, treat people with respect, and have a good time. It will pay dividends down the road.
